The following is satirical.

Every now and then, I like to stop and take a look at the ever-developing field of Democrat presidential hopefuls, because I feel there should always be time in this busy life to stop and share a quiet smile over the hapless stupidity of blithering knuckleheads.

The latest to join the campaign is Beto O’Rourke who will be replacing Beto O’Rourke whose campaign faltered when people found out he was Beto O’Rourke. The original O’Rourke’s campaign was launched with a cover story in Vanity Fair in which he announced he was “born to do this.” His new campaign was launched by apologizing for being on the cover of Vanity Fair, and for saying he was born to do this, and for being male and for being white and then livestreaming himself getting a massage from a Mexican barber.

Beto promises he will overcome his white privilege by selecting a minority female as his running mate, and then stepping down to let her be the president. When asked why he didn’t just skip a step and get out of the race, Beto apologized for not having thought of that and relaunched his campaign without himself in it.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg is running on a platform of being homosexual while being under vicious attack by Vice President Mike Pence in his imagination though Pence has always been kind to him in real life. His campaign slogan, “Get Mike Pence Out of My Head. It’s Driving me Crazy,” has been a big hit with homosexual schizophrenics who hear Mike Pence’s voice attacking them and want it to stop. Buttigieg will also be relaunching his campaign just as soon as he admits this one is over.

And, of course, the frontrunner remains Joe Biden, who is running on his record of being Vice President under Barack Obama and therefore having had no real power while Obama was screwing up the country. His latest campaign slogan: “It wasn’t me. It was the black guy,” is playing well with people who’ll be voting for Donald Trump.

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...