Drunkblogging the First Democratic Debate: Part One

“He’s more machine now than man — twisted and evil.”

     -Obi-Wan Kenobi on his former pupil, Darth Vader

Of course, Kenobi could have been talking about my liver, after six competitive presidential primaries to drink through since starting VodkaPundit in 2002, even more election cycles, endless debates, State of the Union addresses, one particularly trying Parent-Teacher conference…

And it all led up to this: 20 candidates, some you might even have heard of before. Twin debates. Two consecutive nights. One fully-deductible bar tab.

Ain’t life sweet?

The drunkblog kicks off…

now.

Here they come on stage, like a middle school musical in a very posh district.

Housekeeping Note: No need to click Refresh, because the drunkblog updates itself automatically. PJMedia had to invest in that technology during a previous debate season, when you crazy people kept crash our servers with your refreshes.

You crazy, wonderful people.

The best moment of the debate actually happened hours before it began.

I guess that’s nicer than asking, “Aren’t you the guy who used to be the governor who opposed legalizing weed but then took credit for it?”

With 20 candidates split between two nights, and so many of them not very well-known, here’s a handy list of tonight’s participants in no particular order.

Tonight’s Debate Lineup

Cory Booker (Senator from New Jersey)

Elizabeth Warren (Senator from Massachusetts)

Bill de Blasio (Mayor of Earth)

Gulsi Tabbard (Congresswoman from Syria)

Amy Heckerling or Klobuchar (Screenwriter/Director or Senator from Minnesota) (TBD)

Gern Blanston (Media personality, educator)

John Delaney (Former congressman, allegedly)

Ruth Hutchinson (K-SHE 95 FM “World’s Oldest Rock’n’Roll DJ,” deceased)

Julián Castro (???)

Springfield (A city in Massachusetts and elsewhere)

And tonight only, a special appearance by The Unknown Comic (Murray Langston)

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