Drunkblogging the First Democratic Debate: Night Two
Last night, ten Democratic presidential candidates entered the debate ring, and ten walked out. Because sadly, this isn’t Thunderdome.
Tonight, ten more candidates will enter the debate ring, I assume because of some kind of mad cloning experiment gone horribly wrong.
As luck of the draw would have it — or so they claim — the first night was the Kiddie Table Debate, but tonight we get a higher proportion of heavy hitters in the mix.
The result is that I’m engaging in an unprecedented debate drunkblog two-night marathon, because I might not be the blogger Americans deserve, but apparently I’m the blogger America needs.
If there’s a cocktail you need, take care of business quickly, because the drunkblog begins…
On the plus side, there won’t be a quiz at the end of the debate. Anyone you don’t already know, you won’t need to know tomorrow.
Tonight’s big controversy: Andrew Yang isn’t wearing a tie. And the NBC “News” crew is absolutely losing their stuff over it.
I swear I’m not making this up.
For those who haven’t been following these drunkblogs since 2003, just a reminder that I share these drinking game rules for entertainment purposes only.*
*Our liability attorney made me say that.
Last night we had one maybe-frontrunner in Liz Warren, who didn’t quite deliver the goods, and let Tulsi Gabbard take ownership in the second hour.
But tonight we’ve got Plugs Apparent Joe Biden, Radical Fave Bernie Sanders, and Kamala Harris representing all those big Bay Area dollars.
Is it going to be Pile On Joe night, or will savvy third-tier candidates try and take out one another, the way Gabbard made her fame by digging into Congressman Tim Ryan?
The suspense is terrible. I love it.
The night is young. The debate has yet to begin. But I’m calling Cameron Gray the winner already anyway.
Just like we did last night — no, not the cocktails; I’ve switched from Basil Hayden to Grey Goose — let’s kick things off with a rundown of who will be on stage.
Tonight’s Debate Lineup
Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont (Democratic Socialist)
Sen. Kamala Harris of California (People’s Democratic Socialist)
Mayor Pete Buttigieg of South Bend, Indiana (Socialist Democratic People’s Party)
Sen. Michael Bennet of Colorado (Progressive Socialist-Democrat)
Author Marianne Williamson (Progressive Democrat-Socialist)
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand of New York (Democratic Progressive-Socialist)
Rep. Eric Swalwell of California (Bolshevik)
Former Vice President Joe Biden (Menshevik)
Entrepreneur Andrew Yang (Filthy Running Dog Capitalist Pig, But Possibly LGBTQ-Friendly)
Gov. John Hickenlooper of Colorado. (Democrat, Not Socialist, He Swears)