I had a spectacular holiday hiking in the Alps with the girl of my dreams — which is even spectacular when I just write it. But traveling through the mountains of a foreign country made it so incredibly difficult to get straightforward, honest reporting of the news that I almost felt like I was still here in America.

As far as I could gather, Donald Trump decided to launch a military assault against Iran and was therefore a mindless hawk leading us into an endless war with an innocent nation. Then he decided to call off the attack, and was therefore a puling coward letting himself be pushed around by a terrorist regime.

The Democrats held either two debates or one debate that just seemed to go on night after night. The Democrats promised that each and every American would be able to pay untold amounts of taxes to insure that illegal immigrants got free healthcare and this was important because when black Americans find out how badly the Democrats have screwed them for the last fifty years, America will need more Mexicans fast or else Democrats will never be elected to anything ever again.

Beto O’Rourke added to the discussion by speaking Spanish to remind us of exactly what America needs to sound like for Democrats to get elected.

Kamala Harris attacked Joe Biden for opposing race-based busing and everyone said Harris had a great night because while Biden was absolutely right to oppose race-based busing, Harris signaled her virtue and launched unfounded accusations of racism and isn’t that what being a Democrat is all about?

Elizabeth Warren said the Trump economy was going great, but she had a plan for that.

And Bernie Sanders just stared into space, wondering how he’d fallen in with all these lunatic Commies.

Finally, Marianne Williamson said that time was a flat circle and everything that happened would go on and on forever, which turned out to be the truest words spoken about the debate.

It’s good to be home. I think.

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...