The following is satirical.
Democrat opponents of Donald Trump are rushing to condemn the president’s latest tweets instead of proposing workable solutions to the nation’s problems, which would be hard work and involve telling the truth and so is off the table.
Over the weekend, Trump attacked Maryland congressman Elijah Cummings as a bully, because Cummings has shouted at and condemned border enforcement workers while his own Baltimore district is a disgusting rat-infested hellhole.
In an angry response, Cummings gave a press conference with some of his city’s most important rats, whom he praised as the largest and hardest-working rats in the country. Cummings said, “I come home to my district every day to make sure these rats are doing their good work of making this city a living hell so I can call people racist and squeeze more money out of the federal government to spend on God knows what.” The rats agreed and suggested Trump’s tweets were racist since some of them are black from the disgusting grime of Baltimore’s gutters.
Democrat presidential candidates rushed to share in the outrage. Kamala Harris said, “This is appalling. If people start calling out race-baiting lawmakers for the fact that they do absolutely nothing to improve the lives of black Americans, why, there won’t even be a Democrat Party.”
Corey Booker also made an appearance dressed as Spartacus, saying he hadn’t had time to change after last night’s gladiator party.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi gave an interview on the subject to the statue of Sacajaweha in the Capitol Rotunda, which she mistook for a Washington Post Reporter. Pelosi said, “Once again, the president has disgraced himself by telling the truth in such a way that we can misconstrue it as racism. The people of Baltimore would surely rise up in protest if they weren’t so beaten down by poverty and despair. Plus the rats in that town are just awful.”
The statue of Sacajaweha then left the Rotunda to file her story with the Post, who said hiring the bronze Native American was cheaper than bringing on actual journalists.