On December 18, 2019, around 5 a.m. in Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C., two grinches literally stole my Christmas.

And like the original animated Grinch, I can watch them steal my Christmas as many times as I want, because we have it all on tape.

I’m a bit of a Christmas Grinch myself, I’ll admit. So it was somewhat begrudgingly that I decided to throw myself into the holiday spirit and decorate my home this year. Did it a look little pathetic? Did the rest of the decorations on the block make mine look like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree? Yes and absolutely.

Still, I got these pretty blinking lights from CVS – plus batteries, of course – and spent an embarrassing amount of time figuring out how to wrap them around my banister. I was pretty pumped when they first popped on. They had NINE (yes, you read that right) different patterns of blink-ability, so I could even change things up to get a little wild. (RELATED: Melania Trump Claps Back At Christmas Decoration Critics: ‘I Think They Look Fantastic’)

Sadly, a few weeks after I fought my impulses and brought Christmas to my Capitol Hill home, the grinches stole it.

Let’s go to the tape.


Thanks go to our under-the-house neighbor, who installed a camera outside of his window. I emailed him requesting the footage after the Christmas thievery, and he happily obliged.

I’ve watched this video several times, of course, and a few things stand out. First, do we need to get the lookout man a bike? How does he keep up with his biking friend? Also, note how carefully the bigger man opens up my gate. Very thoughtful.

After unraveling and destroying the first part of Christmas, the unknown suspect moves on to the second strand of lights. He clearly tries out the lights and can’t figure out why there are so many different settings. Finally, he figures out how to turn them off (I feel him on that, it took me awhile as well).

Then – this is probably my favorite part – he leaves the front yard to … stretch?? Note to self: Keeping limber mid-theft is essential.

(As an addition, this is NOT the first Christmas theft to have occurred at my humble abode. Just one day earlier, additional lights that I had strewn beautifully across my front gate were stolen too. One can only assume that these monsters were behind that, as well.)

The big question: Have I gone to the police? Not yet. I mean, should I bother these hard-working men and women over a few Christmas lights? Granted, this was a vicious assault on my Christmas, but … I’m not quite sure how to explain that to them.

At any rate, this targeted, hateful attack will not be forgotten. I’ve already tweeted out the video to my approximately 17 Twitter followers and will be thinking of ways to catch these Christmas animals in action. Feel free to provide some ideas.

In the meantime, the War on Christmas has very clearly begun. Lock up your lights, get the cameras out, and get ready. This is surely just the beginning.

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