Good News: Vaccine Shows Promise In Clinical Trials. Bad News: It Also Resurrected Hitler As A Zombie
ATLANTA, GA—A recent attempt at making a vaccine for the COVID-19 virus has shown mixed results. The latest tests have shown that the trial vaccine does cause an increased immune response to the novel coronavirus. On the other hand, the corpse of Adolf Hitler somehow got exposed to the vaccine, and it has resurrected him as an evil zombie.
“It feels like we’re on the right path,” said researcher Shelly Weaver as she nailed boards to the research facility window. “The results on the immune response are exactly what we wanted to see. At the same time, we probably should have kept the test vaccine away from the corpses of genocidal dictators. Still, it’s better to know it could resurrect them as zombies now rather than find that out later.”
If further tests show the same results, the vaccine could be an important step in getting the nation back to normal, allowing people to go out again without fear of contracting the virus. There may be a new fear, though, of being attacked by a zombie Nazi army led by one of the most evil men in history.
“It’s a mixed bag, for sure,” said pharmaceutical executive Ron Sanders, “but we’re trying to focus on the positive. Sure, there are side effects, but we think they’re manageable.” He then loaded a shotgun.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn’t subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren’t bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God’s invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.
Hollywood Elites Rush To Normalize Pedophilia Before They’re All Outed By Ghislaine Maxwell