WILMINGTON, DE—During the evening of the VP debates, Joe Biden settled down on his soft couch with a glass of warm milk to watch his favorite stories on television. When he turned on the tube, he was shocked to see a woman of color on the screen. 

“Wait a jack-a-doodle minute! This ain’t Matlock!” Biden said to his assistant. “Who is that lady on the screen? Why isn’t she stocking the grocery store shelves? How will I get my pudding and applesauce? Why isn’t this Matlock, you good for nothin’ pony soldier?”

Biden’s assistant began her nightly ritual of reminding Biden who he was and what he was doing. “She’s my running mate? Wow! So clean and articulate!” Biden exclaimed.

Biden started watching the debate but fell asleep 9 minutes in. 

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