DENVER, CO—The bassist at Mile-High Community Collective was replaced with a cardboard cutout several months ago, and the congregation has remained totally unaware.

The move was made to encourage social distancing and save the church significant money on equipment.

“So far, no one has noticed,” said Pastor Ned Barry. “It’s great. We don’t have to worry about him adding any bass fills, bobbing his head too hard and ruining the look and feel of our worship experience, or playing Journey riffs during a worship song.”

“He’s totally the ideal bass player.”

The change didn’t affect the sound of the worship songs at all, of course, since the bass player was never turned on in the house anyway.

Last Sunday, there was a near-disaster as the cardboard cutout fell over during the chorus of “Holy Spirit,” but everyone just assumed he was slain in the Spirit and continued worshiping as normal.

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