Trump Aides Beg Him To Call A Lid After He Drinks 45 Cups Of Coffee And Campaigns For 237 Hours Straight
TOLEDO, OH—Trump campaign aides are begging the president to stop and take a break after a grueling campaign marathon that crossed 37 states and lasted several days. According to campaign insiders, Trump downed 45 cups of coffee, drank a gallon of Red Bull, and went on a 237-hour tear through America in a last-ditch effort to drum up votes without sleeping or even closing his eyes.
“This has been really wonderful, really fantastic,” Trump said at his final stop, speaking from the stage with disheveled hair and red eyes. “I don’t even have to sleep anymore. All this time I had no idea what power I possessed. Imagine how much more winning there would have been if I never slept! Well, I’m not making that mistake anymore, let me assure you! I had eleventy-two cups of covfefe just 5 lightspeeds ago!”
Some in the crowd noticed as several aides collapsed to the ground before being dragged out by medics.
“Sleepy Joe, he’s weak! Always calling a lid. Always hiding in his basement. But not me! No lids here!”
The crowd went wild, obviously impressed by the President’s extreme genius and superior stamina.
President Trump then collapsed on the stage and began to snore loudly.
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