U.S.—Leading Democrats are pushing for unity in our nation, and they’ve found a new way to implement the unity in a mandatory way: “Unity Camps,” special institutions designed to teach and train Republicans to unify.

“There’s nothing that’ll make Republicans want unity more than a nice, relaxing stay in one of our Unity Camps,” said Joe Biden. “Heck, in my day, we’d have killed to go to camp. I remember one summer, I was sitting in the pool watching my leg hair change color in the water. All the kids liked to run their fingers through it. Anyway, we were supposed to go to Camp Waggakopo the next summer, but Dad needed me on the farm and told me I could go to the academy the following year.”

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has suggested using forced labor at the camps, compelling Republicans to run on giant hamster wheels to generate enough energy to run the country under a Green New Deal.

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