When I woke up this morning, I could have sworn it was only November 17 and not December 25. Apparently, Christmas has come early to Washington, D.C., with another hearing dragging Big Tech CEOs before Congress. Not all of them, just the usual two knuckleheads: Jack Dorsey and Sentient Android #7. The last round of hearings brought so much joy and merriment to so many people (see CRUZ TORCHES TWITTER CEO JACK DORSEY: WHO THE HELL ELECTED YOU?! and SENATOR CHALLENGES BIG TECH CEOS TO NAME A SINGLE LIBERAL WHO HAS BEEN CENSORED. THEY CAN’T.). Today didn’t disappoint.

The hearings were supposed to scold Jack and Zuck for allowing so much “misinformation” on their platforms. “Misinformation” is a fancy way to say “any opinion or inconvenient fact that leftist progressive doucheburritos don’t like.” Ted Cruz wanted to talk about fact-checking any story about voter fraud, specifically the notification that claims “this story has been independently fact checked as inaccurate.” Which, if you click, often has nothing to do with the story. Normally Cruz delivers a good disemboweling. Instead, Jack got sliced and diced with the precision of a surgeon. Zuck sat quietly by himself and tried not to poop his pants.

TED CRUZ: Mr. Dorsey, I’d like to talk to you about Twitter’s fact-checking over voter fraud stories, where you don’t actually check facts. But my first question, that’s a nice section 230 protection you have there. Do you like it?

JACK: Yes, very much so … I mean, wait, what’s section 230? I’m just a publisher. Wait, no. I’m a plat — HELP!!!!!

TED CRUZ: *Shnikt Shnikt*

The next two years are going to be crucial for those of us concerned over Big Tech’s control. Chances look good for Republicans holding the senate, plus the House will be in reach. If I could just give the senator one piece of advice, make the argument more that just Big Tech being unfair to Republicans. Broaden it out to Big Tech being unfair to any American who is slightly to the right of the half-a-commie gender studies rejects from Palo Alto. For every conservative blogger who has had Twitter privileges taken away, there is a small business owner who has had their reviews spammed by activists just because the owner did something for a cop charity or didn’t have the right sign in the window. Who were told by these same companies, “Sorry, there is nothing to do.”

It’s not just them vs. us. It’s them vs. anyone in America who isn’t them.

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