JERUSALEM—The risen Jesus is being roundly criticized in the media after it was discovered he left the tomb without his face covering.
“Yeah we know he’s immune to death and all that, but he could at least set an example by responsibly wearing his protective face covering,” said King Herod in an op-ed published in the Jerusalem Gazette. “Jesus claims to be pro-life, but his actions would suggest otherwise.”
According to Roman authorities, Jesus’s face covering and burial linens were found neatly folded in an empty tomb three days after his crucifixion. Pontius Pilate has sent platoons of soldiers to scour the countryside for the unmasked risen Savior.
“We’re just looking out for everyone’s safety,” said Pilate. “Tombs are usually full of diseases and we can’t risk having any of that dangerous stuff like leprosy or salvation spread throughout the populace.”
King Herod has asked for anyone with information on the whereabouts of Jesus to turn him in so that he may bring him before the local Health & Safety Commission.