U.S.—In an effort to reduce the number of deadly police shootings, cities across the nation have resorted to hiring Imperial stormtroopers from another galaxy. Since the mass hiring effort, police shootings have reportedly been reduced to zero.
“Yeah, these guys can’t hit anything with their blasters,” said Police Chief Jeb Washington. “It’s actually hilarious to watch them try to run after criminals with their clunky armor and horrible aim! Ha!”
Criminals are enjoying the change too, since they can taunt the troopers without consequence as they yell things like “halt!” and “blast ’em!” while firing harmless laser blasts in all directions. Reports say that in spite of their scary-looking armor, they can easily be taken down by a rock thrown by a small child or Ewok.
Only one week into the program, over 3,200 stormtroopers have been killed in Chicago alone.
“We’re not worried,” said Chief Washington. “They are totally expendable since the Empire will send us as many as we want. They’ve been a great help to us. We just need to train them to try to be less white.”