MESOPOTAMIA—It was going to be the first-ever Pride Month — a celebration of everyone doing everything they feel like doing in their hearts all the time — when it suddenly started raining and didn’t stop for forty days as God was trying to wash all the wickedness off the earth.

“Ugh. Well this ruins everything,” said one man who had looked forward to the celebration, but who was instead climbing to the top of a building to get away from the ever-rising water.

It was going to be a celebration unlike anything the world had ever seen, and everyone was looking forward to it — except for Noah, a notorious stick in the mud.

“We’re all getting ready for a fun party,” said Noah’s neighbor, “and there he is, working on some boat or something. He won’t even wear his pride robe.”

The boat ended up being a boon for Noah as the flood covered the face of the entire earth and even led to some conspiracy theories that Noah knew this was going to happen.

Thanks to all life being wiped out, it will probably be a very long time until there is another pride month. Next time, they plan to use the rainbow symbol to constantly remind God during the festivities that, no matter how wicked they get, He said He wouldn’t flood them again.

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