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Many people think family game night is just a time of innocent fun– but you’re WRONG! Many of the classic games you know and love actually have satanic roots. Do not fear– The Babylon Bee is here to help you cleanse the evil from your midst before it’s too late! Here are 7 family games that came straight from Satan himself.
1. Candy Land: This game was obviously designed by demonic forces to teach your kids the sin of gluttony. This seemingly kid-friendly journey through a sugary hellscape dedicated to one of the 7 deadly sins is populated by demons such as Lord Licorice and Gramma Nut who tempt you with sweet treats. Diabolical.
2. Monopoly: If you don’t already know this game’s Satanic origins, that just means you haven’t played it. Monopoly is responsible for more murders than any other board game.
3. Apples to Apples: Sorry– but the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil is NO laughing matter. Repent.
4. Twister: Admit it- you already knew this one was from the devil.
5. Operation: It discourages the use of faith healing and essential oils in favor of traditional medicine.
6. Settlers of Catan: When you use a sheep to get a development card, guess who it’s sacrificed to? Yeah– you guessed it: the Devil.
7. Jenga: What do you think you’re doing? Constructing an idol? Rebuilding the Tower of Babel? Truly demonic. Cast it into the fire before it’s too late.
If you have any of these games in your home, we invite you to come forward and burn them as brother Dale plays softly on the guitar.
NOT SATIRE: Deliverance is a Christian fantasy dungeon crawl board game for up to 4 players about angels, demons, and the Saints caught between. It’s co-op and currently live on Kickstarter, and the devil absolutely hates it when people support it. If you want to do your part to send the forces of Darkness back to the abyss, order your copy of Deliverance today!