https://babylonbee.com/news/blues-clues-to-be-guest-hosted-by-jared-from-subway/

BURBANK, CA—Nickelodeon announced today that for Pride Month, Blue’s Clues and You will be hosted by Jared Fogle, who is famous for being the Subway spokesperson and maybe some other stuff as well.

Fogle will teach kids that “love is love” and that you’re “born this way” and “can’t control who you love.”

“Hey kids!” he says in a teaser for the new episodes. “How is everyone doing out there, specifically the younger males in the audience? Oh, look! We got a letter!” The letter appears to be a summons from the FBI for him to return to federal prison. “Oh golly gee!” he says. “They’re after me again, haha!”

“After we had an animated drag queen appear, we wanted other hosts who could groom — I mean, teach — children,” said a producer of the show. “And Jared was perfect. He’s always been a hero of ours here at Nickelodeon. Plus, he brought us plenty of Subway sandwiches. And he was so nice to all the kids on set!”

It wasn’t immediately clear how Fogle made it out of prison.

Unfortunately, during the episode, Blue begins leaving clues leading toward child abusers and sex offenders all over Fogle and he’s arrested.


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