WASHINGTON, D.C—Confederate statues are once again on the chopping block as the House pushes to have them removed. Following their removal, Democrats have vowed that these confederate monsters will be replaced by statues of Chairman Mao.
“This sacred space has been defiled for too long. We ought not to forget history. We must learn from history. But we ought not to honor that which defiles the principles for which we stand,” said House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer. “That is why we must remove these hateful symbols and replace them with something that does reflect our true values, someone like Chairman Mao.”
Immediately, the House floor erupted with praise and thunderous applause, save for a few conservatives.
“Finally, these racist, evil statues can be cast down and replaced by wonderful statues of Chairman Mao.” cheered Alexandria Ocasio Cortez. “Now this nation can begin healing as we look up to the timeless ideals of Mao.”
“I never thought I’d see this day come,” AOC continued, getting a little choked up. “It’s just the way he led his people. The way he created the perfect society with no more murder, starvation, or oppression. It’s people like Mao Zedong who give me hope.”
Some Americans found this change to be “objectively worse and horrific in every way.” They are now being investigated by the FBI.