https://babylonbee.com/news/study-door-to-door-vaccine-monitor-1-career-choice-for-kids-who-got-beat-up-in-high-school/

Study: Door-To-Door Vaccine Monitor #1 Career Choice For Kids Who Got Beat Up In High School

U.S.—A new study has found that kids who got themselves shoved into lockers, toilets, and trash cans while in junior high and high school are finally getting a new career opportunity as Joe Biden’s door-to-door vaccine monitors.

Researchers learned that there was a very strong correlation between being a “total dweeb” who got beaten up by the cool kids and applying to be a vaccine checker.

“It seems that kids who tattled on others, always informed the teacher when she forgot to collect the homework, and were just generally total losers are signing up for the door-to-door vaccine program in droves,” said one analyst. “The type of personality that is constantly begging for a swirly or a wedgie just really jives with this kind of a career it looks like.”

While kids who got stuffed into lockers used to sign up for journalism programs in record numbers, many are now weighing their options, with a sizable majority going into the door-to-door vaccine monitoring program.

“A lot of them had experience as hall monitors, so it is a great fit.”

When the pandemic is over in a few years, the nerds will be kept on to enforce climate regulations, sources confirmed.


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