BLM Changes Name To ‘Black And Brown Lives Matter Unless They Are Being Oppressed By Communists’
U.S.—After coming out against the Cuban protesters who are fighting for their liberties against the oppressive Communist government, BLM has been forced to change its name for clarity’s sake. Black Lives Matter will now be known as Black And Brown Lives Matter Unless They Are Being Oppressed By Communists, a “much more accurate, descriptive title,” according to the organization. The name is abbreviated as BABLMUTABOBC, pronounced, “Babblemute-a-bobk.”
“People were getting the wrong idea from our name all the time,” said one of BLM’s founders as she sipped on liquid gold in the hot tub outside one of her homes. “They were thinking that we actually cared about oppressed minorities around the globe. That’s only partially true: we care about minorities oppressed under capitalism. The ones who are being kidnapped, killed, tortured and starved to death by the communists? Not so much. We are, after all, a Marxist organization through and through, and to admit that communists are way worse than capitalists when it comes to oppressing minorities would mean the jig would be up and we’d stop raising so much money.”
“I mean, uh, we’d stop being able to help black people or whatever.” She then cut off the interview and pressed a button that caused her hot tub to transform into a hot tub helicopter, which took off and flew to one of her other homes.
Other proposed names included Black Lives Matter As Long As They Help Us Buy More Houses, Black Lives Matter Only After They’ve Made It Out Of The Womb, and Black Lives Matter Every Four Years When We Need Their Votes.