KABUL—After a long week conquering Afghanistan, the Taliban has taken over the presidential palace in Kabul, and is so happy to finally enjoy the luxury of beds and electricity and bathrooms that they have been deprived of for so long as they hid out in the harsh mountains for twenty years. But after just a few days of getting settled in, the Taliban has found the decor “ostentatious” and “stuffy.”
“Now that we are firmly in control of our beautiful country after a mostly peaceful week of conquering the very smart Afghan army, we want to kick back and relax in surroundings that more accurately express our deep inner feelings and desires,” said Taliban spokesman Ahlahoopalala Benzaziahllah.
After a quick internet search of “paintings perfect for terrorists who want an in with the US president” the Taliban assistant in charge of buying things like paintings, influence, and good press, discovered the paintings by the famous painter Hunter Biden.
“His art is not beautiful, just like shot-up buildings and holes in the earth from explosions are not beautiful. It’s perfect for us,” stated Taliban decorator Evanah Kaboomahalalah. “We were very surprised to find the artist behind the painting we fell in love with was the son of the US president Joe Biden. We thought he was just a degenerate loser, but actually, he has been quite good at bringing in lots of money and at painting.”
The Taliban offered to pay $1,000,000 for the painting and also requested that Mr. Hunter Biden deliver it himself as a gesture of goodwill between the two countries.
At publishing time, Mr. Biden had agreed to give the Taliban the painting in exchange for safe passage back to the airport so he wouldn’t be stranded in Afghanistan like all the other Americans.