SACRAMENTO, CA—The nation is cheering this morning after Gavin Newsom defeated a recall election, ensuring that the Democrat Newsom fans who live there will stay put.
“We were getting ready to escape the state if a black man had been elected governor,” said one local insane Communist Democrat Newsom fan while taking his morning poop on the sidewalk. “But now that our favorite progressive governor is safe, we know we can stay!”
Experts are warning that some Democrats may still leave the state in spite of having a progressive governor, in search of things like food, water, electricity, shelter, and jobs. Several states are preparing for the potential onslaught of California refugees by building tall border walls to keep escaping Democrats out.
Still, many believe that keeping Gavin Newsom as governor will result in many Democrats staying in California where they belong.
“This is sad news for California, but wonderful news for the rest of us!” said Texas Governor Greg Abbot. “Stay put in California, Libs! Say ‘hi’ to Newsom for me! Yee Haw!”