WASHINGTON, D.C.—With the southern border in chaos and human tragedy resulting from mismanagement all over the news, Vice President Kamala Harris urgently demanded a meeting with whoever Biden put in charge of the border. 

“No human being should be whipped and thrown in a cage. That’s horrible! I’m really gonna chew out whoever is responsible for this,” she said to reporters. She then broke down in a fit of uncontrollable laughter at the thought of people being whipped and thrown in cages. 

“I demand to speak to the border manager!” she added, crossing her arms.

When asked by reporters where she’s been the whole time, she revealed she’s been on various Caribbean luxury cruise ships to examine their COVID preparedness. “We have to make sure the cruise ships are safe! We don’t want people to die! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” She resumed laughing heartily at the thought of people dying on cruise ships. 

Harris has announced she will be traveling to the southern border for a meeting with whoever is supposed to be in charge of it within 2-3 months, or however long it takes to get there by cruise ship.

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