PALM BEACH, FL—During a rally today, former and future president Donald Trump announced he is filing a lawsuit against Facebook for a recent quiz he took on the social media platform that sorted him into House Hufflepuff.
Trump said he took the quiz last week and was “shocked” by the “blatant, totally wrong misinformation” on the platform.
“I’d totally be a Gryffindor! Fake news!” he shouted as the crowd booed wildly. “I’m the most Gryffindor Gryffindor of all time! Everyone says so! Just look at this description: ‘courage, chivalry, determination.’ What’s more determined than still claiming I won the election ten months later? Nothing! You wouldn’t see a Hufflepuff do that! A Hufflepuff would just roll over and let Sleepy Joe win! Not good!”
According to sources, Trump had answered various questions such as “A first-year drops his books in the hall, what do you do?” and “What is your favorite class at Hogwarts?”, greatly enjoying imagining what he would do in various situations at Hogwarts. But as soon as the result came on the screen and said “You would be in Hufflepuff!”, he immediately called his lawyers.
At publishing time, Trump had begun leading the crowd in a chant of “F— Mark Zuckerberg!”