https://babylonbee.com/news/sweet-loving-wife-partakes-in-annual-halloween-tradition-of-turning-home-into-demented-house-of-horrors/

HILLSBORO, TX—Local sweet, loving wife Kaylee Davis loves to make her family’s home a place of refuge for her husband and kids after their long days at work and school, respectively. She hangs signs reading “Live, Laugh, Love,” lights lots of nice-smelling candles, and puts up approximately four hundred crosses on the walls. 

It’s a lovely place to be all year round—well, except October, when the mild-mannered Davis likes to turn the place into a demented land of Lovecraftian horrors, terrifying monstrosities, and eldritch beasts of unspeakable dreamscapes and nightmares. As soon as October 1 hits, down come the “All I Need Is A Little Bit Of Coffee And A Whole Lot Of Jesus” signs, to be replaced by decorations like giant spiders, gruesome ghouls, and those electronic terrors from Spirit Halloween that jump out and scare you every time you walk by.

“Come on guys, it’s time to decorate for Halloween!” Davis said happily to her terrified husband and children as the home slowly transformed into a terrible landscape of non-Euclidean shapes, sounds from beyond the realm of human knowledge, and nameless terrors that lurked in every corner of the mansion of madness. “Honey, can you help me put up the headless girl on the swing? I like when it sways back and forth in the breeze at night!”

“Hey, has anyone seen our blood-soaked werewolf?”

At publishing time, Davis, who usually likes shows like The Great British Bake Off and Downton Abbey, had made popcorn and Halloween-themed bloody marys and asked her husband to come marathon the Friday the 13th series with her.


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