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Thousands of years ago, God gave mankind his 10 Commandments which became the basis for law and Western Civilization. Unfortunately, it’s been a long time since they were updated to be more suitable for modern audiences! NOT OK!
Thankfully, woke scholars have done just that! Here are the newly updated “woke” 10 Commandments.
1) Thou shalt have no other Gods before the all-powerful State (duh!)
2) Thou shalt not make for yourself any graven image (unless it’s a giant bronze BLM raised fist you bow down to every morning)
3) Thou shalt not take the name of your Lord God in vain (unless you’re reminding everyone that Jesus was actually a Socialist revolutionary)
4) Remember Pride Month, and keep it holy
5) Honor your father and your mother (unless they are evil MAGA racists. In that case, you should cancel them.)
6) Thou shalt not kill (Unless you’re killing a fascist by beating them over the head with a “tolerance” sign)
7) Thou shalt not commit adultery (unless it’s consensual)
8) Thou shalt not steal (unless you’re looting a Nike shoe store for justice)
9) Thou shalt not bear false witness (unless you’re living your truth!)
10) Thou shalt not covet (unless you are coveting the possessions of a rich white oppressor. Then, it’s totally ok)
NOT SATIRE: Want to get your Christmas shopping done early? Pick up a copy of The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness today before they run out!
To show the world you’re a good person—and also to avoid getting canceled and having your life ruined by a Twitter mob—you need to get WOKE. In The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness, the writers of satirical sensation The Babylon Bee tell you how to choose your pronouns, blame everyone else for your problems, and show the world how virtuous you are with virtue-signaling profile pictures and stunning and brave hashtags. A tongue-in-cheek guide to the far Left’s obsession with intersectional insanity, The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness will help you laugh at the state of our culture so you don’t cry.