EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—According to sources, a dangerous right-wing extremist named J.K. Rowling has taken to the internet to spread hateful rhetoric. Authorities have called for decisive action to silence the bigoted fascist before she further spreads her message.
“Men aren’t women,” said the disgusting transphobe in a recent Twitter post. She then doubled down on her controversial message by also saying “Women aren’t men.”
“This is a hate crime,” said EU Diversity Minister Günter Schreiber. “Everyone knows that women aren’t a real thing, but rather a fantastical state of being that ebbs and flows through the human imagination like a wisp of magical fairy dust. That’s just science.”
The EU has called for a hearing to discuss what they can do to silence the deadly thought criminal before she gains an audience and teaches them basic biology.
As the war on Christmas rages on, it is your DUTY to follow these eight simple steps to land a blow for the spirit of Christmas.