WASHINGTON, D.C.—Move over, Chairman Meow! The Biden family has brought an adorable puppy into their family, and have decided to name this “pawesome” pal Karl Barx, after the brilliant economist Karl Marx, who inspired many of Biden’s policies during his flawless first year as President.

“We are so happy to welcome Karl Barx into our happy, non-dysfunctional family,” said First Lady Dr. Jill Biden, Esquire, as her husband showed their fur baby the proper way to chew on slippers. “Our new pup has really grown into his new name, demanding to control the distribution of the nation’s dog food. Simply adorable. I’m a real doctor.”

White House staff have already expressed concern over Karl Barx, claiming he growls at anyone in a leadership position until they give him whatever he wants but did not earn.

At publishing time, Karl Barx had rallied a pack of stray dogs, affectionately dubbed, “The Pawletariat,” by the Bidens, and was leading the pack to violently seize the means of production at the local tennis ball factory.

Are you a horrible person but on the right side of history? Santa is shocked to discover that’s all it takes to be on the nice list.

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