Is your infant crying uncontrollably and you would try next to anything to get them to stop? Have you been up all night and would just like a moment of peace and quiet?

Well, we’ve been there too, so we know a few tricks to use that will absolutely not work:

1) Diaper Change: Makes sense to try, but no. Still crying.

2) Warm Bottle: Nothing like a fresh bottle to appease your inconsolable ba—oh great that didn’t work either.

3) Burping: It’s gotta be trapped gas right? No. No, it is not. 

4) Swaddling and Rocking: Your baby is just a little cranky and simply needs a soft blanky and to be gently rocked to sleep. Nice try, but that just made everything worse! Now they’re hot AND their stomach is upset too!

5) Become a Babylon Bee premium subscriber: This won’t stop your unhappy baby from screaming, but at least you’ll be ad-free on our site!

6) Cry with them: Hey—if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!


RED ALERT: this is not a joke. Elon Musk sat down with The Babylon Bee for an in-depth interview on wokeness, Elizabeth Warren, the Metaverse, and how the left is killing comedy.

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