WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a passionate speech on the Senate floor today, Democrat Chuck Schumer eloquently defended the filibuster before suddenly realizing he was reading one of his old speeches from two years ago.
“The filibuster is a sacred element of our most holy democracy and I believe that with every fiber of my very being,” Schumer began. “All who attempt to do away with it—or even question it in any way—are attacking the very foundations of our most hallowed rule of law. They are also racists who want to bring back segregation. WE MUST STO–“
Schumer suddenly stopped pounding angrily on his lectern as he realized he was reading the wrong speech.
According to sources, his aide had accidentally printed out “passionate filibuster speech 2020.docx” instead of “passionate filibuster speech 2022.docx”, putting the Senator in a very awkward situation.
The politician then skillfully changed the message of the speech hoping no one would notice. “The filibuster! IT’S RACIST! IT MUST BE STOPPED! JIM CROW 2.0! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
All the Democrats in the Senate then stood to their feet and cheered Senator Schumer for “totally nailing” his speech.
The Republicans later borrowed Schumer’s old speech and read it themselves to passionately defend the filibuster.
Chris Smitherson has a problem: he’s unvaccinated — which means he’s left out of all activities as he doesn’t have COVID like his vaccinated friends. Thoughts and prayers.