https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-outperforms-nations-expectations-for-first-year-by-still-being-alive/

WASHINGTON, D.C.—During a press conference yesterday, Biden said he underpromised and overdelivered, claiming that he outperformed the nation’s expectations for him during his first year in office.

Our fact-checkers here at The Babylon Bee rate Biden’s claim as true, as the nation was very impressed with the fact that he’s still alive after one year. Everyone agreed that he outperformed Americans’ expectations by not having dropped dead during his first hundred days in office, with many expressing their utter shock and amazement that he has not kicked the bucket long ago.

“Yeah, I totally thought he was a goner,” said Iowa man Justin Russ-Mason. “I’m really impressed here. When I saw him at the press conference yesterday, I thought to myself, ‘Man. Now there’s a president who is still alive.'”

Snopes quickly fact-checked the rapidly spreading claim that Biden is alive, finding the statement “mostly true”.

Contributing factors that caused Americans to think he would die well before he marked one year in office included the fact that he’s 187 years old, his obvious dementia, and his close proximity to Kamala Harris. Nonetheless, he’s still alive and well. 

Well, he’s alive anyway.


Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns – so he’s a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.


Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...