SAN FRANCISCO—A cashier working the closing shift at a small mom-and-pop store on Sutter St. was left shocked and bewildered when a customer tried to pay for her items.
Store security footage reveals the customer roamed the store calmly while looters plucked most shelves dry. She picked up a few trinkets before heading to the register.
“I wasn’t really paying attention,” said the cashier, Brian Risico. “We get lots of looters, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a paying customer. No one taught me how to use the register.”
“Then this chick comes up,” he continued. “She’s– I don’t know. Normal? She placed some products on the counter and asked for the damage. I thought she was going to hurt me, but it turned out she wanted to know how much money she should give me.”
Risico stared blankly at the woman for a minute before panicking and fleeing in terror. The unnamed customer then placed a twenty on the counter and left. The twenty-dollar bill was promptly stolen.
According to sources, Risico eventually returned and started his hourly sweeping of the store. Sweeping the store regularly is important to avoid “slip and falls” that can provoke lawsuits from looters.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns – so he’s a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.