WASHINGTON, D.C.—After 12 straight months of collapsing popularity, President Biden finally saw an uptick in his approval rating after his mean comment to a journalist reminded Americans what it was like to have a real president.

“The President is up across the board according to multiple polls,” said political analyst Carlos Del Rove. “Cursing at a journalist on a hot mic was probably the most presidential thing he has done since he was sworn in, at least according to everyday citizens. Voters’ memories are shorter than a common gnat, but it’s very clear that many people long for the days of low gas prices, real patriotism, and super mean tweets.”

Biden staffers pounced on the opportunity to improve Biden’s popularity by granting him access to a Twitter-enabled phone so he could tweet mean things like a real president, but sources close to the President say he just ate the phone.

Upon hearing the news that the President said a mean thing to a journalist, CNN’s Jim Acosta and Jake Tapper were reportedly asking around for the date and location of the unfortunate journalist’s funeral services.

Welcome to “Hate Me, Date Me!” with AOC, the game where you can tell Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez just how much you hate her — and she’ll draw her own conclusions about how much you want to date her. Which lucky bachelor will she pick?

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