U.S.—For some unknown reason, several outlets are reporting a strong spike in internet searches for “Who is Neil Young?” With little information about this unknown character available, and with all memory of the man’s existence having been erased from America’s collective memory for decades, many are still being left guessing.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” said one analyst. “I’ve never heard of the guy in my life. Suddenly his name started popping up in the news so I googled his name. Even Google couldn’t tell me, which is weird. I even get results when I type in my Grandma’s name. Neil Young must be some sort of hermit living off the grid.”

According to sources, Neil Young’s name entered the news cycle when he called up a music streaming company called “Spotify” and threatened to remove all his music unless they caved to his demands.

“We weren’t really sure what the crazy guy was ranting about, but he seemed a little unhinged and dangerous,” said Spotify CEO Bubbles McSteevy, “so we just asked our engineers to remove everything from our servers with the name ‘Neil Young’ on it—for the safety of our employees.”

At publishing time it is still unclear who Neil Young is. 

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