MENIFEE, CA—Ultra-spiritual Christian Lyle Hombre spent the entire worship service internally criticizing the worship songs this Sunday, even mumbling some critiques of the praise choruses to his wife, while lesser Christians around him simply and joyfully praised the Lord, sources confirmed Sunday.

“These lyrics are so dumb and repetitive,” he muttered as the rest of the church sang of God’s goodness, love, and holiness. “I prefer a different style of music and songs with bigger words. And, since this service isn’t catered specifically to my tastes, I will defiantly refuse to sing in protest.”

He folded his arms and furrowed his brow as the peasants around him continued to belt out the song, singing that they needed the Lord and that they are helpless without Jesus. He even raised his hand at one point in an attempt to get the worship leader to call on him so he could correct the song’s theology, but alas, it went unnoticed, as the people around him were also raising their hands, albeit in praise to God.

“If a song isn’t essentially a chapter of a theology textbook, I’m just too good to sing it,” he added to his wife, who shushed him, as she too, sadly, is a lesser Christian than he is.

At publishing time, he had rolled his eyes over the church’s “theologically weak” altar call, though he himself had never led anyone to Christ.

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