WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move that experts on both sides of the aisle are praising as financially bold and politically effervescent, President Biden asked the Federal Reserve to just print up a few batches of approval points.
“It’s doggone brilliant,” said Fed Chairman Jerome Powell while warming up a printing press. “The genius did it with our nation’s dollar and it worked splendidly, so it only makes sense for him to solve his low approval rating in a similar manner.”
While being hailed as “super-duper intelligent” by many, the request for printed approval points is not without skeptics. Approval point expert Paul Wacher expressed doubts that the Federal Reserve has the capacity to print enough approval points to dig Biden out of his abyss of record-shattering unpopularity.
“Now if Biden were to ask the Fed to print more approval-point printing machines,” said Wacher, “I believe he’d have a chance.”
At publishing time, Biden was overheard asking the Fed Chairman if any of those printing machines could print out hair.