OTTAWA—Socialists around the world are condemning the trucker freedom protest in Canada as the working class unites to defend their human rights.
“When workers of the world unite against overbearing government mandates, that’s literal fascism,” said a sobbing socialist Prime Minister Justin Trudeau from deep within his top-secret bunker underneath Washington, D.C. “True, compassionate socialism is when the government partners with private corporations to force experimental drugs on the populace and threaten their very livelihoods if they don’t. Everyone knows that.”
According to sources, socialists were initially thrilled by the trucker convoy, as they had mistaken it for a bread line. To their dismay, they soon found out that it was a toxic freedom march organized by the working class against the Canadian bourgeois.
“As compassionate leaders, we must send heavily armed military and police personnel to stop these united working-class people before they take over and spread their freedom-loving fascism everywhere. It’s the moral thing to do,” said Trudeau.
Reports say Trudeau is weighing his options to quell the protest, including calling them Nazis, hitting them with drone strikes, or releasing a herd of angry moose into the crowd.
As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.