KNOXVILLE, TN—A southern man was immediately rushed to the hospital yesterday after being served unsweetened tea, believing it to be sweet tea.

The ambulance arrived at Litton’s restaurant at approximately 2:15pm after being called by another restaurant patron. The man was found completely unresponsive due to an immense shock to his senses. According to others having lunch at the time, the man seemed to be perfectly normal and healthy, until he took a small sip of his drink.

“He was just sitting there enjoying his meal, until all of a sudden he just violently collapsed onto the floor, spilling food and drink everywhere!” said Opal Maynard, a Litton’s waitress. “Next thing we know he’s convulsing on the floor and foaming out the mouth.”

The man remained in critical condition until he arrived at the University of Tennessee Medical Center where doctors noticed his dangerously low blood sugar levels. Nurses quickly administered an IV of McDonald’s sweet tea, saving his life. 

At this time, Fountain City PD does not suspect any foul play went into the man being served tea without any sugar. They have requested that the restaurant update their beverage labeling and have instructed them to add an extra bag of granulated sugar to their tea per mix, just to be safe.

The individual is expected to make a full recovery and has already returned to drinking tea the proper way, so sweet you can chew it.

As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.

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