OTTAWA—As truckers continue to march on Canada’s capital to very politely ask for their human rights back, Trudeau is doubling down on his position. In a fiery speech this week, Trudeau demanded truckers follow his example and get vaccinated like he did, so they don’t catch COVID like he did.
“Listen, I have COVID right now, and trust me—you don’t want this,” said Trudeau in his classic Trudeau girly voice. “I know you all are all deplorable evil disgusting racists, and there’s no avoiding that. But if you would just get the jab like me, you could at least avoid COVID—something I was unable to do.”
With the COVID infection ravaging his thrice-vaccinated body, Trudeau will remain in quarantine, deep in a hole in the ground in an undisclosed location until he has fully recovered, or until the truckers all go home—whichever comes last.
“Be smart, trust the science, and get jabbed, you disgusting racists, it’s the right thing to do,” said Trudeau before coughing uncontrollably into his sleeve and crying.
As part of a bold new marketing strategy to promote inclusivity and appeal to less than 1% of the population, Mars, Incorporated has introduced a new M&M character who identifies as a Skittle.