I named my groundhog “Fauci,” and since it saw its shadow this morning, it means six more weeks of masks.

So the “Washington Football Team” is going to be called the “Commanders”? It’s almost the perfect—and perfectly absurd—name for a DC team. Why didn’t they just extend their imagination a little more and make it complete: The Washington Command-and-Controllers?

• I think it was Glenn Reynolds who observed that the left wants to shut up conservatives, while the right wants leftists to . . . keep talking. That’s my view of Whoopi Goldberg. I don’t want her suspended from The View; I want ABC to put her on in prime time.

I hadn’t known that her real name is actually Caryn Johnson. Doesn’t taking “Goldberg” as a stage name fall under the category of a “cultural appropriation” that the left says is naughty?

Oh, and the head of ABC News is actually named Kim Godwin? As in “Godwin’s Law” of Nazi analogies? Has God put Tom Wolfe in charge of writing the script for America right now?

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