INGLEWOOD, CA—President Joe Biden is planning to wipe out the National Debt with a genius double or nothing bet on the Cincinnati Bengals.
Biden held a meeting with the Treasury Department to go over the plan.
“My bookie, ole Jiffy Dan, was a little hesitant to accept a $30 Trillion bet but I says to him, ‘Look, Jiffy Baby, if you hook me up I’ll pardon you for all your illegal gambling,” said Biden.
He then explained how Jiffy Dan was a smart Black man from South Central who was surprisingly articulate before Dr. Jill Biden reminded him to act less racist.
“Look, here’s the honest truth, Jack,” said Biden, refocused. “The Bengals are in it to win it. They do that and the slate is clean. No more debt!”
Sources in the Treasury Department reveal everyone in the meeting disagreed with the president’s plan except for the one guy they’re pretty sure is a Chinese plant.
“Mr. President, I think this is a great idea,” said Xau Fong.
The Bengals are the current underdogs going into this year’s Super Bowl, but economic experts say this was the only way Jiffy Dan would accept such a large debt.
“If we lose, at least only half the debt goes to China. The rest will go to this Jiffy guy,” said economic strategist Brent Esther. “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.”
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