KIEV, UKRAINE—The Biden Administration revealed some much-needed positive news regarding our nation’s economy, announcing strong economic recovery for manufacturers of tanks, munitions, military jets, trooper transports, and stealth bombers.

“While some sectors of the economy have experienced slight hiccups since Biden came to office, that is not the case for small business owners struggling to make a living in the Military Industrial Complex,” said Press Secretary Jen Psaki in front of a giant map of Ukraine. “President Biden has also guaranteed employment in manufacturing, logistics, international travel, bulk shipping, communications, and demolition.”

General Dynamics Corporation, a boutique shop specializing in the manufacture of a variety of consumer products such as the 60-ton Abrams M1A2 tank, praised Biden’s decision to open up much-needed job opportunities in the field of absolutely-avoidable international warfare.

Another small business known for an assortment of handmade advanced weapons systems and guided rockets and missiles, Lockheed Martin, also praised the White House for allowing them to bump their minimum wage to $50 Billion per year in seedy government contracts.

Psaki ended the press conference with hints of Biden’s plans to stimulate the economy for warlords in need of a Euro-Asian post-war power vacuum.

Watch as this Joe Rogan fan fruitlessly tries to get Alexa to play the Joe Rogan Experience.

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