BOCA CHICA, TX—Members of Congress are up in arms after a filing to the US Securities and Exchange Commission revealed Elon Musk wasted $5.7 billion on donations to charity last year—even though the government could have made good use of those funds to fill at least 7 potholes. 

“As billionaires get richer, their hedonistic and callous disregard for the working class gets even worse,” said Senator Bernie Sanders upon hearing the news. “Seven whole potholes could have been repaired! SEVEN!” he cried waving his arms around wildly. 

Several other Democratic Senators joined in the condemnation of Musk’s charity donations. Some say the money could also have been used to put food on the tables of two homeless people, provide housing to one single mother, or purchase 1/10th of a Predator drone to bomb the Middle East with. 

“It’s high time we started treating these billionaires like the lazy, decadent freeloaders they are,” said Nancy Pelosi while eating an entire $1000 tub of gold leaf-infused Jeni’s ice cream. “Think of all the wonderful initiatives that could have been funded—like lobbyists to fight against bans on Congressional stock trading! What a shame!” 

When reached for comment, Musk said he disagreed with the politicians and insisted his $5.7 billion investment in memes was “totally worthwhile.”

Watch as this Joe Rogan fan fruitlessly tries to get Alexa to play the Joe Rogan Experience.

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