Baseball has long been referred to as America’s pastime, but the MLB’s ratings have been going down. Sad! To try and spice things up and lure in more viewers, the league has decided to completely break the game by changing all the rules. Cool!
Here are nine upcoming rule changes in the MLB:
1) Players can opt to hit off a tee: Baseball is most exciting when no one ever strikes out.
2) Baserunners can tag infielders and then say “no tag backs!” to not get tagged: On-field brawling is expected to go through the roof. Awesome!
3) Teams can catch the fun new golden snitch worth 5 million runs: This doesn’t render the rest of the game meaningless at all.
4) Batters must spin around 10 times while blindfolded before swinging: Hilarious!
5) Players can tackle and block opponents just like in football: Basically, they’ll just play football instead. That’s what everyone wants to watch anyway.
6) Players will be replaced by flamboyant, over-the-top characters like pro wrestling: “Mike Piazza emerges from the dugout with a STEEL CHAIR!!!”
7) Every team must put at least one baby on their lineup: More exciting and more adorable!
8) Hologram recreations of famous dead athletes: Dance, Babe Ruth! You belong to us!
9) Streaking is legalized and encouraged: Stadium seats will now be divided into streaking and non-streaking zones.
By this time next year, we’ll be ramping up for a new baseball season where everything is made up and the points don’t matter! We hope you’re as excited as we are!
This woman – er, wymxn? – was pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she’s got a surefire way to get out of the ticket: her preferred pronoun is they!