https://babylonbee.com/news/babylon-mom-how-i-learned-to-multitask-by-having-my-husband-repeatedly-explain-what-just-happened-in-the-movie-while-i-was-staring-at-my-phone/

Hey everyone, sorry it’s been a while since I’ve updated this blog. It’s just been crazy around here!

Mamas, I don’t know about you, but multi-tasking has not always been my strong suit–unless you count drinking a rosé and a White Claw at the same time! That is why I’m so excited to share a brand new multitasking #lifehack I just discovered!

Picture this: You’re snuggling on the couch with your husband and life partner, Brad, about to watch the latest episode of whichever mildly pornographic streaming show is hot right now. But suddenly you’re faced with a dilemma: The show is interesting enough to make you want to know what’s going on, but not so interesting that you can resist the urge to scroll Instagram while it’s on. But if you stare at your phone for more than a few minutes, you’ll look up to realize that you missed an important plot point from the series! And, obviously, not tapping through your friends’ stories about girls night out isn’t a viable option.

Raise your hand right now if you can relate!

Girl, I’m so happy to tell you that you do not need to worry any more! The answer has been right in front of you this whole time. Remember that husband you’ve been using as a pillow? Turns out he’s actually been paying attention to every second of this episode of Euphoria and can keep you updated on whatever important scene you just missed while you were staying on top of the latest lip-syncing and dancing trends among 35-year-old housewives on your phone. All you have to do is ask questions like this:

“Wait, what just happened?”

“Why are those teenagers doing drugs? Don’t they know that’s bad?”

“Wait, isn’t that Spider-Man’s girlfriend?”

“Do those two characters like each other now? I thought they didn’t like each other?”

“Do they like each other just because they’re on drugs now?”

“Is that really happening, or is she just high?”

“Is that really happening, or am I just high?”

“Wait, can you restart the episode? I feel like I’m lost.”

Your husband will happily answer all of these questions and more, allowing you to continue being influenced by fashion gurus with affiliate links in their bios, without missing out on the show! Just remember to ask for updates frequently (I recommend every 5 minutes), so you don’t fall too far behind. Otherwise, he’ll probably have to pause the show, take a deep breath, and calmly and joyfully spend ten minutes attempting to explain the various subplots and character journeys from the previous seasons. 

Hope you found this advice helpful! What are some more ways you like to use your husband to help with multitasking? Let me know!


This woman – er, wymxn? – was pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she’s got a surefire way to get out of the ticket: her preferred pronoun is they!


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