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So, after 2 years of mask mandates, it turned out they didn’t do anything! Sad!
Don’t feel too bad though, because the latest science indicates masks were highly effective at stopping the spread of these ten other things:
1) Ugly Person Sightings: Whew!
2) Celebrity Sightings: Even worse than an ugly person sighting.
3) Procreation: Since we know kissing makes babies and babies destroy the planet, this is great news.
4) Freedom: The dangerous alt-right love of “freedom” must never be allowed to spread.
5) Kids learning how to speak properly: Kids should be seen and not heard.
6) Obnoxious hipster mustaches: It was high time for these to go anyway.
7) The DROPLETS: No! Not the droplets! SAVE US FROM THE DROPLETS!!
8) Mouthed warnings to your kids that you’re going to kill them if they don’t stop acting like idiots in a public place: We had to do a lot of pinching instead.
9) Talking tough while holding a toothpick in your mouth: Thank God this toxically masculine practice is over.
10) Empathy: Empathy makes us feel for dangerous enemies of the state. No longer!
NOT SATIRE: At UnMask, we are not fans of masks or mask mandates, but if you are forced to wear a mask, we are committed to providing you and your family the most free-breathing masks on the planet, and building them right here in the USA!
We created the UnMask out of two layers of the most breathable, ultralight materials that exist. The result is a mask that people can wear and breathe in all day without headaches, claustrophobia, or constantly fighting off anxiety attacks. The UnMask will not trap heat or moisture, fog your glasses or muffle your speech.
Legions of people that wear an UnMask refuse to wear anything else. Try an UnMask and you’ll never wear anything else either. Each UnMask is proudly designed and made right here in the USA.
Try an UnMask and save 20% at www.getunmask.com/bee – Use the code UBEE20 at checkout.