LAUSANNE—Following the conclusion of the Beijing Winter Olympics, The International Olympic Committee based in Switzerland has been hard at work deliberating potential hosts cities for future Olympic Games. To keep the trend of choosing evil dictatorships to host the games, the IOC has narrowed its choice for the 2024 Summer Olympics down to Iran, North Korea, or Canada.
“We had everything scheduled through 2028. It was going to be Paris, then Milan Cortina, and finally Los Angeles in 2028,” said committee chairman Lars Thor. “But after seeing how well Bejing went we’ve decided to look for a more evil and oppressive environment.”
“Canada is our number one pick right now, but it’ll ultimately depend on which country is willing to open up their wallet,” he continued. “Dictators love the international recognition and legitimacy they receive from hosting the Olympics.”
Canada has indeed been turning heads lately as it transitions from a relatively harmless democracy to a full-fledged totalitarian regime. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has surprised everyone by directing secret police to shatter the knee caps of peaceful protesters.
According to sources, this has caused IOC members to swoon.
“Iran would be great for the summer, sure. But I think we’re willing to overlook all the snow in Canada if everything else works out,” said Emma Ula, the Olympic committee’s co-chair. “They just got to do something about those dreadful protesters first. Gross!”
The committee is expected to make an official announcement by the end of the week, at which point Iran, North Korea, or Canada, will have less than two years to prepare for the games.
This woman – er, wymxn? – was pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she’s got a surefire way to get out of the ticket: her preferred pronoun is they!