ST. PETERSBURG, FL—After much deliberation, local wife Vanessa Putina has decided to recognize the independence of her husband’s french fries.

“My husband’s fries have never had their own authentic place on his plate,” she explained to a Denny’s waiter. “I am not stealing them, I am merely recognizing their independence.”

Putina then began an incursion onto her husband’s plate to liberate several fries.

She continued, “Let me emphasize once again that French Fries for me are not just a neighboring side dish. They are an integral part of my own history, culture, spiritual space. These crispy, curly, seasoned spuds are connected with me by great taste.”

Her husband Joe reportedly gave her a sideways look but did not stop his wife’s constant incursions toward his plate, describing them as minor.

“I’m not too concerned,” he said. “But if she touches my burger I will sanction the grocery budget.”

This woman – er, wymxn? – was pulled over for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she’s got a surefire way to get out of the ticket: her preferred pronoun is they!

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