Western film icon Sam Elliot might be next on the regressive left’s list of “people to cancel this month” because he expressed some wrongthink about the American Wild West and gays. I know this sounds confusing. Let me explain.

On a recent episode of Marc Maron’s podcast, Elliot made some scathing remarks about the film The Power of the Dog, which is supposed to be a western but was filmed in New Zealand. Elliot didn’t like it. (Prepare for “f” words).

“You want to talk about that piece of shit?” Elliott started out. “You didn’t like that one?” Maron asked.

“Fuck no. Why? I’ll tell you why I didn’t like it anyway,” Elliott said. “I looked at when I was down there in Texas doing ‘1883’ and what really brought it home to me the other day when I said, ‘Do you want to fucking talk about it?’ There was a fucking full-page ad out in the LA Times and there was a review, not a review, but a clip, and it talked about the ‘evisceration of the American myth.’ And I thought, ‘What the fuck? What the fuck?’ This is the guy that’s done westerns forever. The evisceration of the American west? They made it look like — what are all those dancers that those guys in New York who wear bowties and not much else. Remember them from back in the day?”

As Maron pointed out, he was referring to Chippendales dancers.

“That’s what all these fucking cowboys in that movie look like,” Elliott said. “They’re all running around in chaps and no shirts. There’s all these allusions to homosexuality throughout the fucking movie.”

“I think that’s what the movie’s about,” Maron said of the film, in which it’s more than heavily implied that Benedict Cumberbatch’s rancher Phil Burbank is a repressed gay man.

Elliot did not hold back on his thoughts about the director, Jane Campion, either.

“What the fuck does this woman — she’s a brilliant director by the way, I love her work, previous work — but what the fuck does this woman from down there, New Zealand, know about the American west? And why in the fuck does she shoot this movie in New Zealand and call it Montana and say, ‘This is the way it was.’ That fucking rubbed me the wrong way, pal,” Elliott said. “The myth is that they were these macho men out there with the cattle. I just come from fucking Texas where I was hanging out with families, not men, families, big, long, extended, multiple-generation families…” he trailed off in the clip below. You can listen to the full episode on Maron’s website here.

You can hear him in his own voice here:

Elliot is of course trending on Twitter, with the usual woke suspects calling for his head because no one is allowed to say “Hey, not everything is gay,” or criticize a woman for trying to force gay stuff into a western. I can’t really link any of them because the language is worse than Elliot’s. But the prevailing message is that Elliot is a bad homophobe because the American Wild West was clearly gayer than Brokeback Mountain and if you don’t think so, you’re canceled.

I give up. Can we just make a movie about John Adams’ and Thomas Jefferson’s love affair and get it over with? Give Uncle Sam a gay lover, too, while we’re at it. Everything about America is gay, GAY, GAY, and it’s time we all stopped pretending American men mostly loved women and had normal hetero lives throughout our history.

Related: Dean Cain: Making Superman Bisexual Isn’t ‘Bold or Brave’

Welcome to 2022. It’s time to relearn everything you knew, and it’s really quite simple. Everything was and is gay, okay? Westerns? Gay. Founding Fathers? Gay. Joe Biden? Super gay. Taxes? Gay. Jesse James? Gay. Gas Prices? Gay. Billy the Kid? Gay. Rainbows? Gay. School curriculum? Gay. You? You’re also gay, in case you didn’t know. Go directly to TikTok and make a gay channel to announce your gayness to the world and scream at strangers for not being gay-affirming enough to suit your new identity, okay?

We’re all gay now. Get used to it. Hetero history is oppressive, so it has to be rewritten. Just accept it. Sam Elliot will be hauled off to straight conversion therapy, from which he will reemerge as Samantha and affirm he’s now gayer than gay. And then he will star in a gay western that we will all watch and applaud and then award with gay golden statues and gay jazz hands.

Have you had enough gay yet? I don’t think you have. Here’s some more gay for your kids. Make sure they get their fill. We’re all gay now. 🏳️‍🌈

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