ATLANTA, GA—Historic events such as the war in Ukraine and trucker protests around the world have dominated the news cycle in recent weeks. According to several sources within CNN, the respected news network is hoping these events die down soon so they can turn their attention back to where it really belongs: the January 6 committee. 

“The walls are closing in, and it may finally be the beginning of the end for Trump. THE BEGINNING OF THE END!” cried CNN anchor Alisyn Camerota. “And the sad thing is, the war in Ukraine is distracting us from that. The January 6 committee will take Trump down any day now, and the world may miss that very, very important news if all this other news keeps happening!” Alisyn then looked away from her monitor in disgust, as Jeffrey Toobin had accidentally called in. 

Sources in D.C. also report frustration that other news has taken attention away from the essential and heroic work of the Jan 6 committee. “It’s like we don’t even exist anymore!” said Vice Chair Adam Kinzinger while sobbing into an already wet snot rag. 

CNN sources say that if this Ukraine conflict doesn’t wrap up soon, they will give their several fans what they want and go back to covering the Jan 6 committee anyway. 

Do you have an addiction to CNN? If so, we’re here to help diagnose your problem and address it head-on.

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